I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
