We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
