just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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