So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
