The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
