Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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