i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
