I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
