When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
