i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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