i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
