My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
