I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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