It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
