I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
