Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
