She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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