i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
