I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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