Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
