it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
