i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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