but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i now understand why vodka
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
