They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
