i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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