his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
