TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
