i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
