I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
