and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
