There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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