My nipple is on Facebook.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
