How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
