Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
