just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
