i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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