i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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