I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
