This is not my ceiling
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
