haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
