Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
that is very illegal...i love you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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