THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
