Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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