I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
