My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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