Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
