I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
