I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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