I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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