I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
