dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
